Friday, September 26, 2008

Rectraction and Redaction

I actually just really like the word 'redact'...

No, after writing my expose on the nature of the bilabial fricative and my history therewith, I was consumed with guilt. I must admit here and now that I was basking in the past and not thinking properly as a thoughtful and sensitive 21st century guy.

The reason for my self-loathing should already be obvious to you. My shame in not seeing it before I spouted is great, indeed.

Two words: Global Warming.

Yeah, I'm an ass for not even considering the methane thing, let alone releasing any gas at 98.6 degrees into an already fragile environment.

I hereby renounce farting and all things fartage.

I am undertaking a serious study of meditation and body awareness, and shall hereinafter endeavor to turn what formerly were farts into harmless belches. I figure if I can reverse the gas flow prior to it percolating away in the intestines, I can release harmless air, still make a funny noise, and do my part to save the planet.

I apologize not only for the vulgarity of my topic, but for my obvious ignorance and lack of consideration in not seeing the bigger picture view. Hopefully this sincere apology will keep the Greenpeace, Earth First, and other assorted ecoterrorists away from home in the wee hours.

I got a wife and kid to think about.

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