Friday, September 25, 2009


Glenn Beck says
Obama has put us
on the road
to fascism.

Kerouac hears
and rolls over
in his grave.

Glenn wants
his country back;
his zombie throng
howls for blood.

Ginsberg hears
and his nervous
leg syndrome

Glenn asks Auntie
“how do I get in there?”
“Easy,” she sneers,
“Just pick a fight.”

he screams;
“Two men enter,
one man leaves!”

Obama smiles
even though
death threats
against him
are 400% higher
than when The Shrub
warmed that seat.

The ashes of
murdered abortion docs
moan in disbelief.

Beck lunges
with a chainsaw
but the Prez has
a brass whistle
that only Glenn
and a few other
local dogs can hear.

© ~ 2009 ~ Eben M. Atwater ~ All Rights Reserved

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Dunraven Pass

A snarl of cars says
that the tourons have found grizzlies.

We stop to restore order
stepping out in crisp USPS greens.

The bears are foraging
in the meadows about
three hundred yards below the road.

The tourons crowd the road edge
cameras and binoculars bristle,
a danger only to themselves.

Then I see
maybe fifty yards above the bears,
a man with a camera and next to him
a young boy.

Deciding how to get them back alive,
the man picks up a stick
and snaps it in two.

The closest bear is easily a 600 pound male
he turns instantly toward the sound;
his eyesight is poor but his sense of smell excellent
He is scanning.

The crowd hushes;
even tourons smell danger.
Grizzlies usually don’t attack humans
but they sure will eliminate a threat.

I hiss at the man,
“Listen to me;
do exactly as I tell you.
Don’t turn your back on him.
Don’t run. Walk backwards,
slowly, towards me; do it now.”

As they start to move, the bear
gets target acquisition and lock
he is facing them, ears back;
This is not good. Even uphill
He can sprint at thirty miles an hour.

This day, this amazing stupid shit
and his terrified son live.
When he gets to the road
I ask him “Why did you do that?”
He smiles and says,
“I wanted to see how fast they could move.”

Monday, September 21, 2009

Gone Baby Gone

I watched the movie
I shouldn’t have.
I was a cop.

I understand
that things happen.
I know it’s real.

I’ve seen
too much
about what
humans do.

So have the kids.

Anything can recall it.


I couldn't do it now.

Be Afraid

Movers n’ Shakers from the right side
got together last week,
to talk about things to come.
They picked straws too see who
their next fearless leader would be.

Huckaby swung the biggest straw,
followed by Palin, Romney and Pawlenty.
Afterwards, they all signed a fat contract
to become the New Four Horsemen;
(Sarah didn’t mind the gender slip).

They called it The Values Voter Summit.
Their quivers were stuffed with magic arrows
to shoot down abortion,
safeguard religious liberties,
and slay same sex marriage.

‘Oh boy!’ I thought when I heard the news;
‘Somebody finally narrowed things down
to the stuff that’s really important for our
next government to stick their noses into.’

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Good Evenin'

One day, long ago and far away,
I decided that I could play in front of people,
but the fact is,
I was terrified.

The guy I was gonna play with
had been at it for a while;
He looked at my fear and said

“Do you know how many people
think they can do this and never do?
Never forget that you’ve got the balls to do it
and it’s their privilege to hear you play.

That was some thirty years ago
and I have been playing live ever since.

Now, every time I do it,
I paraphrase Ray Wylie Hubbard:

“Sometimes we're sloppy,
We're always loud;
tonight we're just ornery
and locked in the pocket.”

Saturday, September 19, 2009


An interviewer once asked Kris Kristofferson
which of his songs were his favorites;
he answered, “The ones where all I did
was hold the pen.”

In my life, I have written
maybe two good songs,
and a few poems.

Of course, I have written
far more than that...

What the good ones share is this;
none of them were really mine.

David Allen asks,
“When you have a great idea,
did it exist before you thought of it?”
The answer is, of course it did.

All we do is
pull them out of the ether.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Death Becomes Them

Some kill varmints for the sake of killing;
squirrels, chukkas, and the like.
I won’t blast tiny, furry beasts,
but I can appreciate the concept;
there are some creatures that need to die…

I’d start with the Pillsbury Dough Boy.
As for how he’ll meet his final end,
how about a quick trip to the microwave;
pop goes the weasel!

Next comes the Snuggle Bear;
he gets a .223 right behind the ear as
he hovers oblivious over a load in the dryer...

Then it’s time for the Charmin Bears
(Why are there SO MANY bears
in shitty advertising anyway?!)
And yes, as a matter of fact,
I AM gonna whack ‘em right between the eyes
as they shit in the woods.

And last but not least,
Charlie The Tuna:
Sucker that he is, he bites
on a Skok's Bonito Deceiver
tied on a #1 hook;
sorry, Charlie…

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Prep Shift 6 am

naughty as a heart shaped
bed with magic fingers.

sherbet cool, rusty orange;
they cut funky
even if the knife is sharp.

vintage ‘50’s mint green;
Persians dry them to
spike the aroma and taste.

Each grape
a tiny sunset at sea;
dark purple almost black
fades to red, orange and
pale yellow.

Lemons in your face brash;
anything that color
must have grande cojones,
and they do…

cucumis sativis,
slice ‘em thin and
dry ‘em for bong hits.

Red onions lie in wait…
go ahead, cut us up;
you’ll taste them in the throat
without ever taking a bite.

Basil rolls over,
compliant to chiffonade
scent rich as new paper money.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

First Ladies

Miiyuki Hatoyama, the wife of Japan’s new Prime Minister,
says her soul flew on a UFO to Venus as she slept.
She noted that it was “Very green,”
but didn’t clarify whether that meant physically so,
or in the environmentally awareness sense.

Rumor has it that South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford
was on the same flight; now he’s in deep kimchee again,
having lied about Argentina. His First Lady was incensed;
“You mean to tell me the sonofabitch lied about an affair
just to hide a trip to Venus!?
Aren’t you bastards all from Mars, anyway?!”

First Lady Michelle Obama gently shook her head
while weeding the White House victory garden,
and smiling a Mona Lisa smile.

France’s first lady declined to pose nude again,
noting that “That’s not in keeping with my new schtick…”

Meanwhile German First Dude Joachim Sauer
looks annoyed, as if someone holds a small turd under his nose;
“Vas? I am a Quantum Chemist! I got theoretical shtuff
whizzing here und there; I have no time for this crap!”
Angela smiles and nods and pats his arm affectionately.

All the while, in the background, Delbert McClinton sings
“Ain’t no doubt about it, she’s the same kinda crazy as me.”

Sunday, September 13, 2009

What Up, Greek Titans?

Socrates’ banished poets from his republic
‘cause they ‘portray falsehoods and
appeal to our emotions and baser instincts
in a corrupting manner.’

Plato agreed, adding that those pesky poets
were ‘only good for promoting petty emotions,
like anger and lust and love.’

So what the fuck, Fathers of Philosophy?
You egocentric pogues
puffing and preening
about your rhetorical prowess,
you got the nads to pan poetry?
Say WHAT?!

Last time I checked,
the primary definition of rhetoric
is ‘the undue use of exaggeration
and bombast’: Further down that
list comes ‘the art of prose’ and the
‘art of influencing the thought
and conduct of an audience…’

And you fuckers wouldn’t let
us into your playhouse,
laying claims of baser instincts,
you dust farting windbags?

Where I come from we call a spade
a fucking shovel:
You rubes didn’t dis us ‘cause
of baseness and crudity;
you did it because you knew full well
that we'd smoke you gilded lillies
at your own game.

Suck down some hemlock
and ponder that, you posers.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

La Familia Vigiano

Like his father
and his father’s father,
John Vigiano Jr.
joined the NYFD;
his brother Joe
the NYPD.

John Jr. was given
his Grandfather’s badge,
number 3436;
only those two
wore that shield.

Their dad,
retired with throat cancer,
spoke with his boys
every day they worked.

On the afternoon of
September 10th, 2001
he talked with John,
and the next morning,
with Joe, who told him
what was happening
and that he was headed there.
Both calls ended
with father and sons
saying “I love you.”

Both sons died that day.
They were 34 and 36 years old.

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Chia Obama and the Neuticles

Great band name?
Killer independent film?
No, it’s advertising!

Wondering what’s wrong
with the world today?
Look no farther...

For only nine ninety five,
you get a terra cotta bust
vaguely resembling El Presidente
that grows bright green hair.

You better pick your afro daddy
‘cause it’s flat on one side;

If that don’t float your boat,
how about Neuticles?
Faux testicular implant for
for your neutered pet.

Does your pup suffer from nad envy?
Put an end to that sad shit today
with Neuticles!

My fucked up country
according to the ad folks;
I think I’ll keep her!

Bandito Lyle

My pup looks like Lyle Lovett,
an unruly doggy fauxhawk
topping his mop

Tejas born and raised,
him up on his pony on his boat
probably makes good sense

In my mind’s eye,
seven pounds of Shih Tzu
leads an adoring Large Band,
strummin’ a vintage Gibson SJ.

Tapping the toes of custom Luccheses,
he is resplendent in
black piped, white western suit
and matching Mike’s Tom Mix hat.

Crooning into a Shure 97
he winks at the girls,
eye fur carefully trimmed.

I’d buy good tickets
for that show.