Warning: I'm not going to gush, but I am going to be emotionally honest, so if you don't like that sort of thing, move on, partner...
All the gyrations and palpitations caused by my current health and work situation has brought some stuff up with Monica - Gee, imagine that - My mood, bearing, health and wellbeing might be a concern to her, too!?
She has always read obituaries, which I personally think is a little weird, but who am I to judge... Anyway, she allowed that seeing all the widows there, and thinking about my health, had her shaken pretty deeply.
So, I assured her that I'm not going anywhere, I'm going to be around for the long haul, etc - But more importantly, her comments helped me step outside myself and realize something about all this: If all I do is worry about myself, I'm missing the boat on why taking care of health, wellbeing, etc, is most important. Duh - It's most important because the person I love more than anything or anyone on this earth is counting on me to be around and healthy. I know it's easy, when it comes to ones health, to get absorbed in self-concern, and not even feel selfish in so doing; but it is selfish, and I'm going to knock it off... It's also made me realize that getting out of shape and less healthy is also very selfish, and I definitely need to knock that off...
OK, so now I have my marching orders, because I am not going to blow the best thing to ever happen to me. Later in life than I'd have liked, I found the person who my heart adores. This is my partner, my best friend, my lover, my wife. She is so completely supportive, loving, caring, and such a solid foundation for my life: How could I jeopardize that? I literally want for nothing - Monica gives me everything I could ask for and more. She insulates me from the things she can insulate me from, is always beside me, supports my goals and wishes, and believes in me completely. From the mundane to the incredibly tedious and complex parts of life, she manages it all out of love. We communicate on a level that most people simply don't understand - We not only finish each others sentences, we hear and understand each other completely, without saying a word, even from great distances. We share an intimacy and connection that is truly spiritual and has amazing depth and breadth. We are two halves of one soul... Who could or would ask for anything more? I am so blessed, I have a relationship that I don't think one couple in a million enjoys...
What I owe her is the same loyalty, the same love, the same caring, the same support, and the same intensity for her wellbeing and happiness; I can't do that if I'm not healthy and happy. It's my job to see that I get there and stay there and do for her as she does for me, and so I shall.
My Dear?
Always and forever; for as long as you'll have me.
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