Waffle House, 10:45 a.m.

Where are we getting’ that toilet,
Lowes or Home Depot?
Home Depot, I done tol’ you
and it IS gonna be a present.
It’s gotta be a present, I know that;
you’re gonna put it in the floor too.

It’s been seven years they been married.
It has not been seven years.
It’s been seven years they been married.
It has not been seven years.
I am a’ tellin’ you it has been seven years,
I know it.
You know nothin’ of the kind;
it’s been five years, and I got
proof on account of the dates
on them pictures I took.

Muriel says she wants to get a gun.
Now that ain’t no surprise…
She says she wants to go up to th’ range
and get her one, ‘cause he’s got one.
She just wants a gun so’s she can shoot him first.
Be that as it may, she wants a gun,
jus’ like his.
She does NOT want a gun just like his;
He has him the forty five automatic of
nineteen and eleven –
that gun is too big in every way.
Well then she wants one like that in .38
She does NOT want one like that;
she wants a small revolver and
she aught'n to be smart enough to know.

Well, she wants a gun, that’s all I know;
are you gonna finish your bacon?