El Presidente

The President of my company is visiting today...

We had to clean up all the little piles of crap that build up around a big office, hide some things that are his pet peeves, wear TIES, and turn off all our cell phones while he's here.

Turns out he's a short guy with a real serious look - Probably not career enhancing to walk up and say, "What's happenin', little guy?!"

A whole branch had to go meet with him, all the account folks, plus Managers... We'd heard he'd just meet with Managers, so none of the regular troops were prepared for this. There was a line them headed down to the conference room, all sporting a serious Deer in the Headlights look.

I heard a reporter on NPR talk about how her boss showed up in her cube one morning as she was wolfing down a candy bar: He gestured to a well dressed guy accompanying him and said, "Meet your new Chairman of the Board." She went on to say how she'd been pretty much thoroughly embarassed, unprepared, and how this lead to a less-than-optimal first meeting.

I, like her, would prefer that Upper Management didn't go walkabout through my office, but I guess that's their perogative. Hauling whole teams in to ask questions and such is their way of, "Staying in touch with the troops" and "Having a finger on the pulse of the company". Never mind that there's serious tachychardia and ventral fibrilation throughout the room as a result...

Managers who go out to dinner with The Big Man always look dewy eyed and say he's "A real nice guy" like they mean it - Don't worry about laying the rap on me, guys, I'm certainly not gonna rat you out. If I get my way, El Presidente won't even look my way, know I'm here, check out my tie, or notice that the top button on this friggin' shirt is playing havoc with a couple of my three or four chins...

I think that, unless you work for a small outfit, or Ben and Jerry's, The High and Mighty have little or no actual clue about what goes on at our level, and likely never will. Their world is so totally disparate from ours that we really don't even speak the same language. It would take serious long-term study, counseling, and team-building exercises to get us on the same page - One walk across the jungle tightrope ain't gonna make it so...

It's kind of funny, really... It's also the only day of the year I wear a tie to work - I don't ever see customers, I talk to them on the phone, so khakis and hawaiian shirts with NO BELT and slip on shoes is my daily wardrobe. I refer to my Regional Vice President as "Hey, Paul!" or "What's up, man?" Funny, in an uncomfortable funny way, to see us all pretending to be what we're not so that the Big Guy's vision isn't clouded by stuff that might offend his sense of order - Short-term, enforced Feng Shui...

Ahh, well, it's only a few hours, and anyway, I'm the perfect guy for a visit like this, 'cause I've got graying hair, glasses, and hemerroids -
The gray hair makes me appear distinguished,
The glasses make me appear studious,
And the hemerroids give me that concerned look...